What would be the ’12 Days of Kalamazoo Christmas?’
Christmas is Sunday, and it's the start of the official 12 Days of Christmas. We all know the song...
- 12 Pack of Bud
- 11 Wrasslin' Tickets
- 10'a Copenhagen...
... oh, wait... that's the Jeff Foxworthy Redneck version. (That's the one I grew up with, so that's the one I know.)
But we're all familiar with the concept. This year, if you were to buy the ACTUAL 12 Days of Christmas, all the geese, and gold rings... it would cost you around $45,500. But none of us are going to do that. Instead, I have derived (with the help of some of you) the official '12 Days of Kalamazoo Christmas' in a list.
The criteria is simple... things that Kalamazoo is known for, either recently, or historically. So let's get started.
12 Dispensaries Dispensing
I think we can all agree, there are a LOT of Dispensaries around Kalamazoo, and I'm not sure 12 even covers it... it might just be the number of NEW ones.
11 Sweetwaters Donuts
This WAS going to be 12... but I saw the PB&J donut in the box, and got hungry.
10 Snow Plows Plowing
We've already had ONE storm with 2 feet of snow, and now a Blizzard over Christmas weekend. These guys are working crazy hours this year, already, and we thank you for everything you do.
9 Bell's Beers for Drinking
... I mean, to start with at least. Just get it rolling with the Hopslam, then graduate to slow-sipping some Two-Hearted... you'll be fine.
It happens so often in this town, there are actual warning signals in advance, so you can attempt to find a detour. LOL
7 (hundred thousand) Construction cones
Even in the winter, when construction typically grinds to a halt in Michigan, they're still everywhere! There was one just chillin' on the side of the road on Drake the other day.
6 Rootbeer Stand Hot Dogs
I don't know what it is about this place... the root beer is obviously great, but... WHAT is in those hot dogs? Six might not be enough actually.
5 Useless Bike Lanes
Not even kidding.. has anyone seen an actual person on a bicycle using these? I've seen more CARS in the bike lanes, than I have bikes.
4 Main Roads
We only give directions based on four roads in town - Westnedge, Stadium, Main (Specifically West Main), and Burdick. Occasionally you can sprinkle in Sprinkle, but that's ONLY for east-side-of-town people.
3 (new) Graphic Packaging Citations
It seems like there's a new one every few weeks now, MOST of which revolve around REALLY bad smells. They received violations JUST for odors in September, October, and December. November, they skipped the odor violation, and just dumped a whole bunch of chemicals into the river.
2 Rumors about Elvis
The first was that he lived in the Kalamazoo State Hospital's Water Tower in the 1960s, but that was shot down by Dr. William A Decker a few years ago. The SECOND, though, turns out to be kind of true. Elvis DID have an office in Kalamazoo... right down the street from the Gibson Guitar Factory. But the other part of that is, he was seen near a Checker's Burger spot around town as recently as the 1980s... not so much.
1 Northwoods League Championship (GO GROWLERS!!!)
Was there really any doubt this would be our biggest gift for KZOO of 2022? Probably the greatest achievement this year in Kalamazoo, the Growlers did it, and brought home the prize! From the 8th seed, heading into the Playoffs, to Champions! Congratulations Growlers!
Merry Christmas Kalamazoo!