Recently, Google released results showing what cocktail recipes are most searched for during quarantine in each state of our great union. What’s Michigan’s? A 7 and 7, you ask? Wrong. Whiskey Sour? Nope. Not even close. Believe it or not, the most searched for cocktail recipe in Michigan is the Cosmopolitan. Dude. What? Here are a few reasons why I think a Cosmo will never be a Michigan drink.

1) It’s pink

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Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with pink as a rule, but when I think Michigan, I don’t think pink. My mind instantly goes to lush green forests, crystal blue lakes, blaze orange sunsets. So perhaps the Spicy BLT Green Bloody Mary, the Jellyfish Cocktail (which totally looks like rolling waves), or the classic Tequila Sunset would be more fittin’ for the Mitten.

2) It’s served in a cocktail glass

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A thin glass that is wide at the top and skinny around the middle is just asking for trouble in Michigan. You’ve got to be extra careful where you put it down when you’re throwing bags, shooting pool, or sitting in your deer blind. They don’t even make a Cosmo Coozie, you guys. And with mosquito season upon us, and nothing but a wide open rim around your drink, the last thing you want when you’re enjoying an evening bonfire is extra protein. No, the best glass for any drink served in Michigan is a sturdy mason jar with a handle and lid. You can’t go wrong.

3) The garnish is a lemon peel.

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Come on. We all know any cocktail in Michigan should be garnished with a Michigan cherry. Or two.
So, what have we learned from all of this? A proper Michigan cocktail should be a color found in nature, served in a hearty mason jar and complimented by a cherry. I suppose that means we’ll should be ordering doubles of Tequila Sunsets when the bars are back open.