We all know that with the eventual return of warm weather, (it should be here any minute now right?) It will be the return of those nasty stink bugs that seem to infest our soul. I remember the first day I moved into my apartment in Kalamazoo in October it was a friggin stink bug party. Nobody knows exactly how to get rid of these things.

Many Entomologist will tell you the classic tricks that seem to work: put some soapy water in a pan and flash a light over it; Re-calk your doors and walls so they can't get in. Well I've devised some methods that most likely will have the same affect as these. They most likely won't work but at this point let's try it out and see what happens:


1. Play Nickelback Non-Stop In Your House- I don't know about you but anytime I hear these guys I quickly try to get as far away as possible from the sound. Maybe the stink bugs will develop the same mindset.*
2. Install A "Pit Of Doom" Outside Your House- Honestly, they'll never see it coming. Now luckily stink bugs are like 10,000 times smaller than humans, so your pit only needs to be a couple feet deep.**
3. Hold Public Demonstrations Of Your Eradicating Abilities- Nothing gets your point across by showing the stink bugs you mean business by informing them just what awaits them if they enter your home. ***
4. Form A Treaty- This is for those who don't want to bring harm to the stink bug race, but would like them to not invade your home. Write up a formal treaty, find the Queen Stink Bug and see what you can make happen.****
5. Burn The Whole Place Down To The Ground- If all else fails.*****


I hope my helpful methods will bring you peace and a stink bug-free home this year. Good luck!

*- There's no proof Nickelback will scare them away. There are worse bands I'm sure.
**- I just remembered they can fly so you may wanna put some fire on the bottom of your pit of doom.
***- This one's a little morbid, my bad. Maybe you don't have to go this hardcore.
****-I don't even know if there is a Queen Stink Bug, probably not.
*****- You should probably not burn your house down along with all your belongings. Also, Arson is a crime so I wouldn't do it.


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